| My name was the punchline at a comedy show. Admittedly, it was a cheap joke, but the comedian asked who had been to China and I stupidly woohooed. He followed up by asking my name. I said Marian, and to roaring laughs, he exclaimed that it sure didn't sound Asian. My whole life I've never used my Chinese name to avoid being the butt of jokes, only for it to happen with my English name. This experience, coupled with covering the anti-Asian attacks this past year, made me question my identity. Many of the victims were also female and many of the incidents happened in my home state of California, in areas I used to frequent. As a result, I grew paranoid, especially since I now live in South Florida, where there are fewer Asians. Folks I interviewed warned me to carry a personal alarm and even wear sunglasses to hide my background. Yet I still ventured out to support the community, eating at a Vietnamese restaurant last spring, only to witness a White man tear down the waiter and restaurant workers by mocking their accents. My husband and I were the only other Asians there, so I promptly ran out, afraid the situation might escalate into violence. While I have tried to make sure my community's voice is heard through my stories, I had not done the same for myself. It is time to change that, starting with my byline, to a name that better honors my true self.  I am tired of hiding my true identity and I'm starting by changing my byline. By Marian Chia-Ming Liu ● Read more » | | | Did you feel the need to Anglicize your name to fit in? Or did you choose to use your given name and why? Please tell us your story. |
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